Eleanor Cruz and Her Magick Womb.

CRUZCANADA

I’m about to tell you a tale, of a baby named Rafael, who was born AMERICAN. An American natural born citizen in Canada. This tale has quite a backstory, and involves Ted’s great, great, great, great, grandfather, who was born before America was founded, yet became a U.S. citizen AFTER World War II.

Impossible?

No it’s true,

this is the story of Eleanor Cruz

and her Magick Womb.


Natural Born Citizen

I’m not going to go into laborious details about the natural born citizen clause. How some say it requires TWO natural born citizen parents and a child born on American soil. Because Mark Levin says that’s nonsense.

I’m just going to address something Ted Cruz said, and compare it to what the US. State Department says.

Ted Cruz: “As a legal matter, the question is quite straightforward and settled law that the child of a U.S. citizen born abroad is a natural born citizen,”

State Department: “A child born abroad to a U.S. citizen parent or parents MAY ACQUIRE U.S. citizenship at birth if certain statutory requirements are met.”

So who’s right? (SOMEBODY’S LYING.)

According to Ted Cruz, if an American goes to Canada, or to any country, and has a baby, it AUTOMATICALLY becomes a natural born citizen, as long as mom was born in Delaware.

According to the U.S. State Department, that hypothetical baby isn’t even a U.S. citizen without a CRBA.

SOMEBODY’S LYING.

Well maybe not. Maybe they are BOTH right?

Impossible?

No it’s true,

this is the story of Eleanor Cruz

and her Magick Womb.


How to have an American Baby in Canada.

In the interest of the public good, I decided to release a “HOW-TO” guide, so when you’re deciding to have an American baby in Canada, you don’t fuck it up.

Believe it or not, there are some things that can throw a monkey-wrench into the process. Failure to follow these meticulously-crafted instructions may result in your otherwise American baby, becoming just another Canadian.

Here’s the straightforward process.

  1. Be an American Citizen. This may seem obvious, but so many people when they move to Canada, (especially when they move for several years,) decide they like it there. I know right? Who the hell would like it in Canada? They like that they can travel freely to and from Cuba, for example. They like that Canada is less likely to be involved in wars. They like that crime is low, and there are very few black people. The medical care is free. Whatever. So, if you move to Canada for several years, and decide you want to vote, or just stay, they, these dirty maple-syrup drinking motherfuckers, are going to try to get you to take a Canadian loyalty oath: DON’T DO IT! Once you take that Oath, you are no longer an American Citizen, EVEN IF YOU WERE BORN IN DELAWARE! (Which is generally considered a MAGICK place.)
  2. Don’t conceive with a foreigner. You see once you commingle your genitals with foreign spawn, the resulting offspring is not likely to even look American, and, in many cases may not be American.
  3. Once the “baby” is born, you must go to a U.S. consulate and immediately register “the package.” This declares your little bundle of “Canadian bacon” to actually be an American. Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, it’ll never really be an American, LOL. At this point you will receive a CRBA, which makes your otherwise Canadian child a proud American. From here on out, that CRBA will be used for the child’s entire life to prove he’s a U.S. citizen. At this point you can throw out that GREEN Canadian birth certificate, as Americans don’t use foreign documents, nor the metric system. Failure to follow this step, may result in your baby becoming just another Canadian, like Peter Jennings. Exceptions: If you name your child RAFAEL and spell it just like that, you may gain citizenship for the child automatically.

CRUZ_0819NAT_32638724

STATE DEPT WARNING:

Parents of a child born abroad to a U.S. citizen or citizens should apply for a CRBA and/or a U.S. passport for the child as soon as possible. Failure to promptly document a child who meets the statutory requirements for acquiring U.S. citizenship at birth may cause problems for the parents and the child when attempting to establish the child’s U.S. citizenship and eligibility for the rights and benefits of U.S. citizenship, including entry into the United States. By law, U.S. citizens, including dual nationals, must use a U.S. passport to enter and leave the United States.

Ted Cruz didn’t have to register with the U.S. State Dept.

His mom didn’t have to be a U.S. citizen.

Ted Cruz is not only a citizen, he’s NATURAL BORN, AND a dual CITIZEN, motherfuckers. He’s a CRUZ.

Impossible?

No it’s true,

this is the story of Eleanor Cruz

and her Magick Womb.


RAFAEL

So, it appears that Ted Cruz’s mom ignored all three steps. She tried naming the child Rafael to avoid them, but in her case the Rafael name gambit was just superstition.

No. Ted Cruz WAS born an American. A real American. A natural born citizen. A natural born citizen with a Cuban/Canadian father and an American/Canadian mother. A natural born citizen with dual allegiances, (dual citizenship.) The only natural born citizen ever born in Canada. And when Ted Cruz becomes president, he’ll be the only president ever born on foreign soil.

How?

Impossible?

No it’s true,

this is the story of Eleanor Cruz

and her Magick Womb.


MAGICK

Eleanor is descendent of a rare breed. Her family originally from an obscure European country.

After World War II, Vlad, (or as he was affectionately known as “grandpa,”) emigrated to the United States after assisting the U.S. in its victory over Nazi Germany.

After a secret act of congress, any of the lineage of “grandpa,” AUTOMATICALLY become Natural Born U.S. Citizens as they contain a rare genetic bloodline deemed to be crucial to America in times of war. What grandpa did in World War II will be forever classified.

So Ted Cruz could join the Taliban, his daughters could marry Iranian mullahs, any Cruz offspring will AUTOMATICALLY be natural born citizens, regardless of the circumstances of their birth, as long as they can trace their ancestry back to Ted, and his long journey down Eleanor’s magick womb.

That’s not fair you say?

Better be careful, grandpa is special, and he did a great service to this country. Ted is a beneficiary of this service, and despite his mom and dad being Canadian traitors, Ted is a natural born citizen.

Grandpa.Dracula

Grandpa still lives in Delaware, he’s 450 years old.

U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) speaks to members of the Texas Federation of Republican Women in San Antonio, Texas October 19, 2013. REUTERS/Joe Mitchell (UNITED STATES - Tags: POLITICS HEADSHOT) - RTX14H7R

SHORTLINK:
http://wp.me/p6teUi-WI

© 2016 Author Richard Skeet

Patriots! Get involved! Share!
Like, Comment, Follow!
Share this with a #Trump denier!
#Trump2016
#MakeAmericaGreatAgain
#YUGE
#TRUMPGASM

 

Advertisements
Comments
  1. walt7500 says:

    Hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anonymous says:

    What a crock. You gonna rename this, “Cruzgasm?”

    Like

  3. Bosco says:

    Looks like Anonymous is a crock . Get a life dude and move on .

    Liked by 1 person

  4. […] Natural Born? “We Can’t Take Him along for the Ride.” “He’s Got Probably a 4 or 5% chance.” “A Big Question Mark on Your Head.” Larry Tribe is wrong because he’s a democrat? […]

    Like

  5. […] Natural Born? “We Can’t Take Him along for the Ride.” “He’s Got Probably a 4 or 5% chance.” “A Big Question Mark on Your Head.” Larry Tribe is wrong because he’s a democrat? […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s